Lori VI
What with CT scans and chemotherapy infusions and doctor’s appointments we have had ample opportunity to drive from our home here in Sonoma to San Francisco these past two months and are always grateful for the beauty afforded by the landscapes we pass along the way. First the vineyards of Sonoma County spangled by the cold nights in yellows and reds and purples to rival the hardwood foliage of New England, and with flocks of starlings pirouetting overhead. Then the greening hills of Marin County with the brooding graceful mass of Mount Tamalpais looming behind. Finally the Golden Gate Bridge and our favorite city off to the left gleaming white on the hills.
California Pacific Medical Center perches atop Pacific Heights so we zig and zag our way past homes of surpassing beauty as we approach our destination.
As grateful as we are for the scenery our gratitude for the medical team who attends us eclipses it. Dr. John Chan is as good as they come. He and his sidekick, Nurse Practitioner Natasha Curry, make themselves available day and night, invite us to call them on their cell phones, and check in regularly with calls and texts. They hold our hands and hug us and share our resolve to check the completely baffling symptoms of pain and nausea which bedevil our beloved Lori.
Today we drove the other way, home, after four nights in the hospital infusing Lori with hydrating fluids and two units of blood and one unit of platelets — all to counteract the vomiting and the side effects of the chemo . . . and it worked. She eats what she wants. She regains her body mass. She is home and anticipating sixteen for Thanksgiving dinner.
While we were in the hospital the doctor rolled the computer stand into our room and showed us the pictures from last Thursday’s CT scan. Shit. One particular mass, just below Lori’s solar plexus, has grown by 60% to the size of a softball. None of us were happy to see that but Dr. Chan counseled us that we are as yet in the early days of the chemo regime which will extend into February. If this regime doesn’t do the trick, Foundation One, the cutting-edge lab in Boston to which Kate’s husband Owen introduced us, has meanwhile analyzed Lori’s cancer at the molecular level and identified a mutation which might be susceptible to an alternative.
One possible cause of Lori’s nausea is metastasis to the brain so they MRI’d her noggin the other day and detected no cancer there but instead discovered that she has had a small stroke, small enough to have prompted no symptoms, but Jeez, enough already!
Options. Should we go after that baseball-sized mass with radiation? Should we stay the course with the current chemo regime? What about palliative care?
When we pulled into the driveway this afternoon we discovered a flock of gaudy plastic pink flamingos which friends had planted in the yard. Each with a felt-tipped message of support and love. While Lori wonders why this curse has picked her, she is keenly aware of the blessings which pour in.
A three-part Lori tale:
1). When Lori’s family moved from Iowa to California in 1971, Lori took a summer job as opening waitress at the brand new Howard Johnson’s in Mill Valley and there started a friendship with a Vermonter who had decided to summer here — Mica DeAngelis. Their friendship has endured to this day.
2). A young couple moved into the house across the street from us here in Sonoma shortly after we moved in and produced a daughter, Ella, who grew up under our admiring eyes.
3). Last year, when Ella started considering back-east colleges as a senior at Sonoma Valley High School, Lori urged her to apply to the University of Vermont, right across the street from where Mica DeAngelis lives with her husband Barry. On Lori’s advice Ella submitted her application and was admitted to UVM on a Presidential Scholarship. Ella now has a new “Lori” in the person of Mica and is having the time of her life in Burlington, Vermont. Today Mica emailed pictures of herself and Ella splitting logs in Vermont.
Strange but true. Thanksgiving opens space for grief. Grief opens space for thanksgiving.
We love you all.
hutch adventure 2 
Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for sharing this. Blessings…
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Nothing to add. What a fight!!! Bummer ten times over.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And all the best wishes.
Jean
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Thinking of you all and your family so much and keeping you in my prayers, thoughts, and hopes. What a beautiful story too about Ella. Thank you for sharing.
Hoping for a cure…
Much love,
Annie
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Happy thanksgiving to you both and your family. So good to see you last week and that beautiful grandson of yours..
Wishing you peace during this holiday season!
love, ann
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The faith, hope and love that shines forth from your lives, to say nothing about your sense of humor, is truly amazing. We give thanks for those Community Church years and for your continuing witness. Love, Ann and Bill
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Wishing you both a peaceful, loving holiday. Hugs, CG
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Such a difficult journey to keep balanced in. Lori.. who would believe that you would be faced with all of this? Palative care is a blessing, as they are designed for chronic illness…and they are genious at managing pain so that you aren’t feeling dopy. I remember Bill Moyer’s special on the program, as it’s different than Hospice. Wishing and praying for a miracle (and I believe in them)…. with love… LOTS OF IT. Marty Meade
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Happy thanksgiving and blessings to you and your family. I think of you everyday… one of many, many people.xox DelRae
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Wow! That’s a beautiful letter! Stuart and I send our love and are continuing to hold Lori up to the Lord for healing. Love, Sandra
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Bill you write beautifully and you are obviously very much in love. God Bless you, Lori and your family. I still hope you and Lori will one day be able to visit us in Kincardine Ontario at our cottage on Lake Huron. Take care of yourself too, just as you are taking such good care of our Lori.
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And we, my friends, are surely grateful for your family – each and every day.
Lori, I hope the Cal Pacific IV cocktail allows you to enjoy nice servings of all your Thanksgiving favorites.
Hope the clan enjoys a beautiful day.
Big love,
Jacque
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What can I say Lori and Bill? I can’t tell you how much you are in our thoughts. Lots of love and good wishes coming your way. Wishing you a very peaceful and joyful thanksgiving with your family… much hugs, Josiane
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So beautiful. What blessings for you both in this thankful season. Love surrounds you both. Yes health care folks are mystic angels.
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Still holding you in the Light as hard as I can everyday. This Thanksgiving I am thankful that you have touched my life. Keep up the courage! Keep up the fight! Wishing you and the family a wonderful time together.
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So glad to hear that Lori”s latest treatment has her feeling better. The flamingoes on the lawn must have been an hilarious and uplifting homecoming.
We are sending our very best wishes for a most warm and peaceful Thanksgiving.
Lyn
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So glad Lori will get to enjoy turkey…. and stuffing…. and potatoes (wait, is there an “e” in potatoes? where is Dan Quayle when you need him :-)) Hoping that all the love being sent transforms into healing. thanks for the update, Bill. Happy Thanksgiving – I am thankful for having Lori as a friend.
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Happy Thanksgiving! Treasure it, celebrate and thank you for continuing to share.
Love,
Anna
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Bill and Lori…. How wonderful that all of those 16 people at your Thanksgiving table can hold hands and send you healing love, and represent all of the rest of us who care and are sending our love. Great big hugs to you and oh goodness I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I pray for a miracle.
Jim and I send our love
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Bill & Lori, Sending our love and thoughts to you and the family this Thanksgiving and how thankful we are to have you in our lives. Love, Bill & Ray
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Oh Bill & Lori, so great to receive a message of hope from you!
It seems that with all the not so good news there is always a little bit of good news each time too. I believe when all the good little snippets of news add up, it will translate into great news and blessings for you!
Happy Thanksgiving to you and so happy to hear you are feeling a bit better!!! Love to you and your family! Keep up the hope and love!
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Lori and Bill,
Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy all the friends and family who will fill your home over the next few days. Despite the CT scans and other imaging you are enduring, keep up the fight. It is great to hear from you, whether the news is good or bad; you are loved by all who read your blog. Sending you hugs and cancer fighting molecules for Thanksgiving!
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Dear Bill and Lori, thanks for sharing. Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving and keep up the fight and the positive spirit. Thinking of you. Much love, Ems
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Sending love and blessings. Miss you guys.
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I read your thoughtful notes and am too reminded of the many blessings that surround. You are sharing quite a lot through your messages. Big gifts can come in surprising packages. The Harb girls are here for you.
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Lori & Bill – life is so strange – it makes no sense that a woman that has smiled more beautiful, warm smiles upon every person whom she has ever come upon should deal with so much angst. what is the lesson in this for you, for all of us? thanksgiving is a time for thanks and i am thankful for knowing you every minute and and am thankful that you have such a loving family and community that surrounds you. keep up your faith, your strength and your love and know that we are all here fighting for you with our hope & prayers. i love you lori! enjoy the weekend! lots of laughter, love and a BIG BIG bear HUG from me always. xoxoxoxox sondra
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Sending you hugs and love, and wishing you a wonderful day tomorrow.
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Dear Bill and Lori,
Glad that plans for a festive Thanksgiving dinner, with Lori enjoying the feast, is in the cards for tomorrow! There is a lot to be said for palliative care; in particular I found the book “Being Mortal” published last year by the Indian physician Atul Gawande very informative and downright illuminating about this particular path. Big hug to both of you on this Thanksgiving Eve, enjoy this year’s Thanksgiving celebration!
Deborah XO
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Beautiful message, Bill. To share your joys and sorrows and gratitude all in one breath – we are breathing it all with you and sending you so much gratitude for your presence in our lives. Big hugs to you. I can see the whole gang at your Thanksgiving table. Sending prayers and good thoughts for the road ahead. We love you, Jody and Rich.
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Dear Lori & Bill,
Enjoy every days , every hours and minutes
We wish you an happy and peacefull Thanksgiving with your family and friends.
Bises
Colandi
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So tonight, pre-Thanksgiving-the pups and I are sitting in front of the fire in the wood stove. They’ve had special treats from Trader Joes, both ‘human’ and for pets. My Dachshund Lulu is snoring on the couch; my big dog and the new pup (a rescue, of course), is working over the bag the treats came, looking for the last whiff of doggy delight).
So it seems delight comes in different, multi-varient forms.
May your and Lori’s be very special this time.
In thanks for all the mystery. K
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Dear,dear Lori, you were in our hearts and prayers at ISPA as well as on every day of your journey. I hope you can gather strength to find the best in each day..one day at a time. Sending love, energy and prayers. Ruth
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Oh you Dear Ones-
In the midst of all, all, All of this, you both–and your kiddos too–are a beacon of light. I know you don’t feel that way, but you are. Your love for each other, and for all of life–in its glory and its agony–and for the world is palpable. The love and care you shower on one another: Lori from her hospital bed (her amazing empathy abounding), Bill in the hospital elevator connecting with a young child and his father in probably another very difficult situation, your kids and their significant others in the faithful daily heart-to-heart connections with you two–all bear witness to love being stronger than death, and love being the very heartbeat of the universe. No cancer cells can take that away. I see miracles herein. Thank you.
When I think of you today, I am reminded of Mother Teresa’s words, “To have courage for whatever comes in life–everything lies in that.” Know that you are loved, held, prayed for, thought of and cherished each and every day. May your Thanksgiving be a deeply joyous one tomorrow.
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Thank you for sharing your journey. My thoughts and prayers are for you tomorrow. Enjoy your day surround by family love
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Bill,
Our thoughts are with you as you generate those positive images of your surroundings
and friends during your family’s challenges.
We have been fortunate back east to have had a comfortable ( not very cold) and
very colorful fall and a joyous wedding in Cabo Mexico.
Our son Keith, who lives on telegraph hill, and Bride, Teresa decided that a destination
wedding was the right thing for their circle of friends. Never mind that mom, dad, and father in law were
less than excited at the prospects of meeting drug lords up close and personal
or facing Montezuma’s revenge.
Our months of worry were for naught. First class hotel (with its own water filtration plant), great food,
Ceremony came off without a hitch. And to top it off the hotel was on a surfing beach. We watched
talented local surfers in the water from dawn to dusk. I was planning to take the plunge until I noticed the there were rocks everywhere and the locals skillfully guided their boards out of harms way. In addition the sea urchins on the beach made it easy for me to justify staying land locked. We did rough it in the infinity pool with bar.
I visited PC last week to see a new “Idea Lab.” It is the marriage of high tech, art, and shop class where
kids are building things we could not dream of. 3D printers were a centerpiece, but the creative talents
of the kids are inspiring. In some cases they are working with students from Phila Uni.( used to be Phila college of textiles)
on projects.
New 8 lane track and football field were finished for the fall season.
We wish you and Lori all the best and you will be in our prayers this thanksgiving.
Harry
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Bill,
Thank you having me on your blog. You write so well that it is easy to imagine the painful, grateful, unpredictable journey you and Lori are on. This email is prompted by the reference to Lori’s friend from Vermont. When I stopped by to drop off the book, there were many cars in front – and so I simply asked Phyllis to drop of the book The Divine Art of Dying in a brown envelope. She gave it to the friend from Vermont. I am just checking to be sure that it did not get lost in all the comings and goings of your life. It may not be something you wish to read at this time. I have just received a book by a former student that might be something Lori would like to read now. She had a year of chemotherapy for cancer in the lining of the Appendix (sp) and was on CaringBridge during the time. She just had a catscan last week and is cancer free at the moment. The book is entitled Songs in my Head by JoAnn A Post. This is what she wrote during the time of chemotherapy and I thought of Lori because you have said she loves to sing hymns. I have a copy you can borrow.
To be surrounded by such love are you are is always the occasion for thanksgiving. Herbert
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Sending love and more love and blessings and more blessings infused with more and more prayers.
I give thanks for you both, and for the light you emanate.
Victoria ❤️
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Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy the holiday and your family. We think of you all the time. Sorry to hear of the tumor growth. I am confident the chemo regimen will do its job over time.
Rick Coffin
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In the midst of this tremendous and painful burden, I hope you are able to enjoy happiness and love – simply being in the moment with family and friends this Thanksgiving. I will be lighting a candle to share strength and light with you. Deborah
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Many blessings to you and your family. Thank you for the updates Bill. Sending healing light and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving !
❤️ Patty
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Lori: We love you and believe you will get through this terrible situation. It will take amiracle, but we have ordered one for you and truly believe it will happen. Meanwhile, love and prayers. May you, Bill and the family have as happy a thanksgiving as you can. always on our mind, always in our heart. Helen & Bob
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Sending love to add to your Thanksgiving celebration. Appreciate the updates imbued with hope and courage and love. You are in our Thanksgiving prayers and alway on our gratitude list. We add out hope for all the tomorrows….
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I can’t help being an optimist, so I grab onto the little positive things and say YES! that is just the best news ever. Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us balcony people cheering you on. So good to hear Lori is feeling better after the most recent stint in the hospital and home with family for Thanksgiving. Keeping hope alive and sending you big hugs.
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I thought about all of you many times today… Sending love
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We wish you all a peaceful, loving Thanksgiving Day.
A special day for us all to value every family moment we are fortunate
enough to share. Happy Thanksgiving… Tucker and Leslie
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Lori & Bill: Your treatment ordeal is so intense – we sure wish you strength and support in each step along the way! I too have recently been caught by cancer – Pancreatic
Cancer in my case – and palliative care only. I’m at home and under Hospice care.
I sure wish you strength to bear what hopefully will provide relief.
Warm regards to you both……
Joe Valentine
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I expect no reply, I just want you to know on this Thanksgiving Day how thankful and grateful I am to have found FCC Sonoma and that you are two of the most welcoming folks to my family at church. I think of you both and pray for you both daily. May the strength from many prayers keep you going on this unwanted journey. Blessings to you both. Hugs, Amy (and David, Kaila and Oliver too) Amy Seyms
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Dear Lori and Bill – On this Thanksgiving night I send my love and healing wishes to you both. Your strength and your love for each other will help to carry you through these days. I hope you had a Thanksgiving day filled with love from your family and I hope that someone else did the cooking. May the days ahead bring healing to Lori and better days for both of you. Love and hugs. Jan
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Shit. And tears. My first reaction. I hope you had the best Thanksgiving ever with you wonderful family. We send our love.
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Hi. While I don’t personally know either of you I feel somewhat connected to Lori from our industry and now to both of you through your sharing. My prayers and love are with you. I want to say to you that I understand as I have had some of these experiences being with loved ones while facing similar challenges. There is so much in God’s world that we don’t know about and can’t explain. What we do know and believe in is what we must focus on. Our faith, our hope and God’s love is what gives us the strength to confront and be joyful through those challenges.
May all of us who are blessed by your sharing in turn provide you with strength on those days you may need it.
In His love,
Cheryl Patella
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Thanks for the nicely written update and for keeping us informed. We are so sorry to hear the tumor is not responding well to the current chem..
Perhaps you are right it’s time to try a different approach using the molecular analysis of the tumor you said was done. You are in our thoughts. Please let us know if we can do anything to help or cheer you along! Xo John and Maureen
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