Lori IX
When Kate or Tucker are here, things appear. Scrambled eggs. Clean dishes. Folded laundry. Stacked firewood. Back rubs. Hugs. Best of all . . . baby Jack. Even when they aren’t here, things appear.
Banana bread. Paper flowers. Eggs. Tamales and salad. Flowers on the doormat. My belief in angels has been restored but none of the angels who appear have wings. They have hands and hearts instead and that is better than OK with me.
We spent an hour recently with our medical angels John Chan and Natasha Curry and then several hours in rainy traffic back to Sonoma.
Lots of time to think about what we learned from them. The two big tumors that we spent the past three weeks radiating have been well clobbered but the little tumor down in Lori’s pelvis has apparently decided to assert itself and is the source of . . . pain. The current brew of palliative meds manages to restrict that pain to quarters but replaces it with . . . nausea. We are really really sick and tired of nausea. Or maybe the nausea comes from the residue of the radiation or from the cancer itself or from all kinds of lousy mental associations. Nobody knows.
So we are considering a variety of tough options. Hope that Round Two of the new chemo will be efficacious. Sign on to a clinical trial and fly off to Houston or the Mayo Clinic every couple of weeks chasing some new drug which might buy us a couple of months. More radiation which might buy us a couple of months. Accept that Lori’s number is up and focus on quality of life while we have life together.
Lori is not afraid of dying. If there is a heaven St. Peter reserved her quarters there decades ago and has been adding shelve units and craft tables ever since. But the thoughts of the things she will miss slay her. The episodes of her children’s and grandchild’s lives which have yet to unfold. The places we have planned to see. Dinners around the table. Nights snuggled in front of the fire. Friends.
On Valentine’s Day we will baptize Jack at the First Congregational Church of Sonoma where Lori and I have worshipped for many years and whence prayers and food and cards and love have washed over us these recent months. By then we will have had another CT scan and a meeting our radiologist, Dr. Abendroth, and will have a better idea of our blessed path forward.
Hugs and love to you.
hutch adventure 2 
Dear Lori: I think of you and Bill often, especially it seems, while on the train into Seattle on my way to work on Mercer Island. And at tree-decorating time when I find the Campton Place swan ornament nestled in the box of Christmas treasures. Today’s memory was the time we made all those valentines for the staff and hung them on the walls of the Fable Cafe. I learned so very much from you there.
Sending loads of love from Edmonds, where the orcas are playing today. That sight just never gets old! Hugs. Beth
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My dear Lori. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am also inspired by you and Bill – such strength in the face of adversity. I’m thinking of the constant surprise I had every time I met you face to face – a tiny person with this huge and powerful personality with a huge heart and laugh and smile that just filled and warmed the room. I’m sending you a massive hug enveloped with blessings and love. Take care, Friend. With lots of love from S.A – my thoughts and prayers are with you, Bill and the rest of your family xxx
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Lori and Bill, Everyday you are in my prayers and my hopes that you are able to enjoy your days and months with your family untroubled by pain and nausea. We are with you each moment, and I send an extra prayer every time I pass your street. You are held fast in our Love.
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You both are amazing, so much life in you and the unfairness of WHY this happened…Sending you so much love and prayers, love and light, love and strength.
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Sending good Vibes your way,
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Sending good Vibes your way!
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You are both well loved by St. Peter and the wingless here on Earth.
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Thank you, Bill, for Lori IX news. Tamales and salad, and maybe a couple of deviled eggs sounds pretty good right now. You both been so strong in this adversity that probably neither of you ever dreamed would be visited upon you. Please know that prayers of healing and thanksgiving are offered in your behalf by a great many people. XO
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Bill, whenever I see a post from you, I am quick to read it… and right now my heart is breaking for you and the love of your life. This world needs the goodness that Lori and Jeff possess and I wonder sometimes why the saying the ‘good die young’ prevails time and time again. I know you will both make the decision that is best for Lori. I didn’t have that experience with Jeff so I know how important this remaining time is.
Please know that your friends at Two Bunch are here for you. Wish you were closer so we could give you some relief and spoil Lori as well.
Please, please give her my love, Rianna Riego
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We think of you both often and wish for good
and fruitful days. As you well know all we have is
this day , this moment. Enjoy the small pleasures
of each moment (the most precious are with Jack I am sure).
May you all be surrounded by grace and love at this
very difficult time. Leslie and Tucker
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Dearest Lori & Bill,
I think often of you and your battle against cancer.
May you enjoy foras long as possible all the things you love doing together, snug with one another.
Sweet thoughts of light & love from Paris
Jean-Guy
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Thank you with all my heart for these updates.
The strength, courage and faith I read in and between these words are extra ordinary. It makes me feel humble and grateful.
Love and blessings to you both.
Amy
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Gosh Bill, thank you so very much for being able to use your eloquent words to communicate such sad news. I am not much for public responses but I just read your post and want to respond to you both. The tears flow so easily down my face but the words are all jumbled in my throat and are difficult to come out. Somehow just saying I love you both dearly just seems so “little” compared to the huge heartfelt feelings I have for you both. I know all of us who love you are saying, no screaming, “It’s too soon, It’s too soon” yet our minds know we have no control over that. I will continue to hope for the miracle and commend you both for your strength to keep trying. In the meantime, I send wishes for those peaceful moments that you may find in these days together.
I am wrapping my arms around you!!
With Tremendous Love – Mary Kay
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Bill and Lori
The only gift I have to offer, is being with you all , in prayer and Faith, knowing that what ever path this journey will take you Lori, the Lori , I have experienced, is in the womb of Gods love, by your style of presence and gratitude you exude.
Blessings
Peadar
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Dear Bill and Lori,
How kind of you to keep us informed and up to date. Lori is an angel – a wonderful angel on earth who has comforted & guided so many of us. If Lori must leave us – St. Peter will have the red carpet laid out. We are praying for both of you and your beloved family and of course Tucker’s family. We don’t envy you your tough choices. God bless you in your decisions. If we can do anything — anything at all – please let us know. Much love, Mary & Don
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All our love,
Betsy, Dan,Chris, Hilary
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Lori,
I can’t imagine how frustrating all of this is for you…you had all of these plans and this pesky Cancer seems to keep showing up and holding you back. My heart is heavy that you are going through this pain, and also that you are not able to do your normal routines (running circles around most)….you are a person with a mental fortitude and willingness to slay any dragon, and climb any mountain- it is a tenacity I have come to admire and love in you. I wish I lived closer, I wish I could cook for you, I wish I could do reflexology on your feet or bring you essential oils….please know you are in my constant prayers and I rub my happy Buddha for you everyday! Much love to you and Bill!!! and Bill- I would rub your feet too 🙂
Ann
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Bill and Lori,
Sending you my love of course, but I would also like to offer food delivery if or when you might like it.
I am around most days/evenings Wednesday through Sunday and our menu is online at http://www.breakawaycafe.com. Just pick out something you would enjoy and give me a call 696-8554. I would feel honored to be able to help in this way. Actually if I can offer support in any way, please ask. But the food is easy for me and might be a help for you. Please feel free to call.
Love and hugs,
Bob Rice
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Dear Lori and Bill,
Very much appreciate the updates and know that the entire Global Wellness Summit community is out here pulling for you. We so missed you at the Summit Lori and were glad to be able to take some photos that we knew would end up coming your way. So you were definitely with us more than just in spirit!
I am so glad that Bill wrote that you are not afraid – what a blessing to have such strong faith and it is my prayer that we will all be inspired by you to cultivate a strong faith that will be our best friend through tough trials. Thinking of you often.
xxoo
Susie
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Bill and Lori,
We think about you all the time. You have our prayers and positive thoughts.
IF….you decide on a trip to Mayo AND it is the one in Rochester, Minnesota, I offer you my sister. She and her family had been living out of the country (Fiji) when she was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago. She had to come to the US for treatment and landed in Rochester. Her daughter came with her and enrolled in high school for her freshman year. They stayed a year while she received treatment. Her care (chemo, double mastectomy, plastic surgery) was excellent as was her outcome. They moved back to Fiji but came back to MN last year so her daughter could finish high school in the US and shop for colleges. My sister could help with navigating the system and the city. She is trained as a nurse practitioner.
We are big fans of Mayo.
Whatever your path, we are there with you.
Love,
Fred and Mary Ellen Burr
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Bill, I too very much appreciate thee updates and I hope that they serve as an outlet for you as well as your fight this painful journey with Lori. I think of you both so often. Seth and I were talking about our visit to your home many years ago and Lori comparing her tiny foot size to his size 15. I hope the uncertainties begin to fade, the path becomes clear, and that you enjoy many wonderful moments, days, and years ahead. I am putting into the universe so the universe may provide. All my love and prayers, Deborah
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Dear Bill and Lori,
I rush to read the posts each time they appear with great hope that you will write “We found it. A new treatment or drug that is eradicating the tumors and leaving Lori pain and nausea free.” I pray this may still be the case. But today I read about the profound struggle you two are facing; your courage, your deep faith and the profound love your share with each other, your beautiful family, and we your friends. Lori and Bill, we love you so much. Your are in our hearts, thoughts, and prayers throughout each day .Pete and I count ourself blessed to know you both.
Kathryn
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Hello Lori,
I cannot pretend that you are in my prayers, since I am a non-believer. But, I am rooting for you!! To use a cliche, it is not over until it is over. Kind of dumb, but my way of saying that I am thinking of you and hope you will somehow pull through. Strange things do happen. Alternative medicine as a last resort?? All the best and good luck.
Hugs,
Jean
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I see the words on this page from your dear friends near and far, which shows how loved you are.
And how incredibly blessed you are with your Fabulous Bill, and your beautiful family! You are so courageous and strong, Lori. I wish I was a neighbor, so I could bring you Jello (from the Jello capital-Iowa) or whatever you needed.
I think of you when little things happen, like today when I got a newsletter from Plymouth, and remembering the huge part your family played in the church. Or when I see a bottle of wine from Sonoma….it doesn’t take much!
You are in my prayers….Lori and the entire Hutchinson family.
Love & Hugs, Debbie Dickinson
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Phew! I was afraid to open this today… But I’m thrilled to know that you still have the stamina to continue the big fight. I’m with you Lori.. I experienced dying soon after my youngest son was born. Staph infection that took me down, and I was in isolation in the hospital for over a week… I have to tell you that it’s everything that you read about. I was out of here, and could see myself below… peaceful…. BUT, that new baby and my two older ones called me back.. and I love everybit of this time I have left.. We all have friends who have beat this, and I know you do too. You’re on the right course… Modern medicine, new approaches…. and great faith surrounding you…
Go Lori…you have your friends and family surrounding you with lots and lots of prayer.
With Love, Marty Meade
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Bill and Lori, I don’t even know what to say. Things that I think are important seem so trivial right now. Problems so small. What an immense decision you have to face. I still believe in miracles and am so hoping and praying that one comes your way. Love, Stevie and Tom
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Even though I have not met you Lori you have been an inspiration to me from the first time we spoke on the phone. My thoughts and prayers are you and your family daily.
God is with you now and forever,
Blessings,
Coco Kennedy
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Dearest Lori & Bill,
Just finished reading your most recent post.
Tears streaming…hearts aching….and yet, somehow we feel a sense of comfort & peace with the gift of your beautiful words & amazing grace.
The responses to all of your posts speak volumes. You are loved by so many.
All of us are living the question of “why” this is happening– without the answer.
This is one of my favorite quotes….it has guided me so well and so often.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
Rainer Maria Rilke
Thank you both for being the most graceful guides on this journey and for sharing your updates, information, thoughts & emotions. Your strength and courage are a source of great inspiration, faith and hope.
We send you our love and blessings, we hold you so close in our hearts.
Our prayers continue.
We love you,
Susan & Peter
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Let us all remember: we are visitors in this physical place! No one knows when it’s “ticket turn-in time”. Let us all learn from this journey, for it is such a path that educates all of us. May there be the wealth of gratitude, joy, peace and understanding about life’s journey that is and has been full of promise. I hold the highest light full of gratitude no matter where this adventure goes. The power, presence and love of the Divine essence in, as Lori, Bill and all the family — there is always joy in the mornings! May it be so, lovingly my sister and brother, Talibah
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Dear Lori and Bill
Your Christmas picture is on our refrigerator… We lift you and your whole family in prayer several times a day. We send our love and hold you near.
Jackie and Michael
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Oh Lori! You are such a blessing……you always have been, but to see your continued fortitude and perseverance in the midst of pain and nausea is classic inspiration. You and Bill have been such beautiful testimonies of love and living examples of handling disappointment, discouragement and grief. I pray for wisdom as you seek the right thing. Your story continues….as do my heartfelt prayers! One of my favorite songs…..Because He lives, I can face tomorrow..because He lives all fear is gone. I know, I know He holds my future, and life is worth the living just because He lives!
I love you, friend!
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Bill and Lori,
First Bill, I am inspired by the honesty in your writing, and as a journal I hope you find it a cathartic outlet. I know in reading them it’s reassuring to know you are so in tune with your feelings and such a wonderful partner to Lori.
Lori, I have reflected on our telephone conversation a few weeks back and admire your bravery and courage along side knowing that you do not fear death, and while some may think that very valiant on its own, you expressed it with such clarity to me that it somehow gave me comfort. What a blessing that is!
Know your family is in our thoughts and prayers.
Much love,
Michael and John
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Thank you Bill, for your updates. Lori, my heart is with you! It is comforting to know that you are surrounded by so many angels and especially baby Jack who can probably do more with 1 smile than 10 rounds of chemo. I feel very far away but sending big, loving hugs to you both and wishing you the fortitude to handle the tough decisions you are having to make and the difficult moments that you are having to experience. I’m thinking about you every day my dear friend.
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We add our love and prayers to the steam of caring flow into your lives. Ann and Bill Eichhorn
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Dear Lori – my heart is heavy and my spirits are down upon reading this newest update. Words fail me as I know there isn’t much to say that has not already been said or conveyed. You are a beacon of light to soo many people. You were my first REAL champion when I lit out on my path after leaving CR and became my biggest fan/supporter/critic. I will never be able to adequately convey the depths of gratitude I have for you and for all you have done to help me become who I am today through support and constant encouragement. What a magnificent human being you are. I am honored to know you, am praying daily for you, sending you healing white light and TONS of love. You are not alone and you are loved by many. Wishing you love, peace, courage and strength. – Brennan
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Lori and Bill,
Thinking of you hard and sending positive energy your way always!! You are both such incredibly strong and inspiring human beings! Thank you for keeping us updated! Sendung you lots of love!!!
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Lori and Bill, We love you both. What tough decisions to make. Thinking of you constantly and sending positive thoughts your way.
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Bill and Lori,
It is so true that life isn’t fair. You both are in my daily thoughts and prayers. May God’s grace surround and support you, and guide you through this difficult time.
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Dear Bill
Missed you today at the clergy gathering.
Marge and I have just been reading your latest blog with the alternatives for continued treatments for Lori. I was very touched when you write that Lori is not afraid of death and can visualize St. Peter with shelf space and a craft table. A little imagination does wonders.
For me, now in my 80’s, I was so glad to see Matt marry a great gal. That was important for my psyche. I don’t feel I need see the rest unfold – grandchildren etc. although that would be fun. Sometimes Marge and I imagine what it would be like if Scott were still alive, but its just not granted to us. At some point its been important to just let go of all expectations – left to marvel that so much life has been granted us. And maybe there’s more in the future, maybe not much. I do wonder at times just how I will visit after death those I have known with some intimacy. It does happen you know. Scott is so present to us at times.
In any event, you and Lori are in our prayers and we do wish you quality of life in the days you have left. much love, Todd
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Lori/Bill –
I hope you have gotten the emails and thoughts we’ve posted on the blog you’ve sent. We have held you both in our hearts for so many years. We don’t want to intrude during this difficult time but we are hoping there might be an opportunity for us to see you both soon. If that resonates at all, please let us know. We truly don’t really know the protocol in this situation but we just want to give you both a hug in person.
Please let us know what could work.
With lots of love and many, many prayers,
UZ & Alix
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Dear Lori,
As a proud member of the FCC Blubber Club (of which you are and always will be president!), it took me awhile to see the keyboard clearly. You have tough decisions to make, but I know you will make them with love and faith, finding what’s best for you, for you & Bill, and for you and your family. I honor your strength. xxoo ME
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Dear Lori and Bill,
You see from the many warm and supportive reactions how much loved and appreciated you both are. Same here. It is an art to struggle with adversity and pain and still instil such positive feelings in those who surround you in person or in thought. I wish you continued strength to cope with the future and make it as beautiful as you can possibly make it. Sending hugs and warm feelings. Ems
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Bill and Lori,
I think of you every day and send all the good wishes I can muster, then hold you in the light. Even in a period of huge personal trial, you inspire us all with you courage and your openness and you positive attitude. Whatever decision you make, I’m sure you get the most possible out of it. I send my love.
Glen
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This post brought a broad spectrum of emotions to me. I was flooded with memories of my deceased father and mother. My mother passed at 60 from pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed in Oct., over 15 years ago, and passed away the following Feb. Some of the best moments, and also painful moments of my life occurred in those few months. Having the best moments and the most painful moments separated by minutes defined this time. I have stayed physically away from you guys as you guys go through this, but often reflect on the positive impact and involvement both of you have had in our lives. I love you Lori, Bill, Tucker, and Kate (To us Katie). Baby Jack sounds terrific. I hope you are able to experience both the love and the pain of love at this time, for however long God has plans for you both to be here on this planet. Blessings and peace….
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Dear Lori and Bill:
I feel speachless. I can´t think the right words to try to comfort both of you. I just close my eyes and hope you feel many hugs sending directly to your souls.
I want to share my thoughts to you, about what you are experiencing…
First of all, nobody knows how much time we have left in this life… who knows? maybe you still have many years of life left!! People die daily from various causes, people of diferent ages, countries, colors, ideologies, etc.. many of them die for no apparent reason… we just don´t know what the reason was.
I think all good and bad things that happen in to our lives have meaning, and is an opportunity to grow spiritually. We just have to ask aurselves, what is the meaning of what I am experiencing? I should learn from this experience?
Sometimes, we don´t understand why things happen? and I´m pretty sure, they happen to learn the true meaning of life: love. Thank God for the opportunity to love and be loved by all those who accompany you in this moment of your life, and all those who at one time loved and loved you . Do not think about the future or what it will be lost, because the futures doesn´t exist, only present. I guess it´s not worth being sad about what you don´t know wether or not occur.
I know it´s not easy to quiet the mind that clings to the material world, and that is not easy to endure the pain and suffering of the body, but it may help to think that the soul is eternal and always stands by those we love. We don´t know when we will die, we just have to enjoy the ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love you very very much!!
Edith Anaya Perla, and the entire Anaya´s clan. 🙂 🙂
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Bill and Lori….what to say? Your resolve together has given me and I’m sure many people a new perspective on illness, companionship, love. I think of you both daily and hope hope that a miracle will happen or at a minimum that the barf monster never darkens your door again. Bill, it must be hard to find time, energy and emotional strength to write the blog but for those of us on the outside unable to be there and help make things appear, we are so grateful for these heartfelt postings. Thanks and much much love to you both.
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Please, let me suggest a very interesting book to read: “Many lives, many masters”- Dr. Brian L. Weiss- The true story of a prominent psychyatrist, his young patient and the past-life therapy that changed both their lives.
xoxoxo Edith.
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Dear Bill,
As I read your beautiful heartfelt and heart wrenching posts and want you to know my heart goes out to you. I am so glad you have so much support.
I think of you both during this very difficult experience and send you love
Holly
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Dear Bill and Lori – Through tears I read your latest post. I know what you are going through and it is not easy to think of losing your dearest friend and beloved one as I did not so long ago. But, as someone wrote, miracles do happen and while I don’t believe in prayer I do hope for a miracle for you both. I send you love and support and I’m grateful that you have so many angels around you to ease your days.
With love, Jan
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Dear Lori, dear Bill,
it´s always heartbreaking to read your posts … I feel so sorry and helpless … what can I do? Nothing … except thinking of you every single day and hoping … and thinking and hoping … life isn´t fair and I´m always asking ´why`? Why you? Why Lori? … All my problems seem so little compared to yours …
Never give up.
Sending you all my love and strength and power,
always
Katja
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