Six Months
Lori died at suppertime on January 27th, six months ago this very day. I think of her pretty nearly constantly, but find that the shape of my thoughts now changes. Apparently grief, too, has its rhythms. In the early months after her death the thoughts focused on her her last hours and months, the long slog blessed by all of you with prayers and pink flamingos and cards and casseroles, and on my own shattered feelings of misery and loss. More recently I find myself focusing on our four decades of life together, on the people she touched, on her ever flowing spring of energy and good will, and on her creations.
Throughout her days, good, vibrant, inclusive, fecund things flowed out of Lori, first among them her children, Kate and Tucker.
She made friends and retained them. Two women from her childhood in Des Moines, Carol Ramsey and Nancy Sartori, stood with her at our wedding in 1976, and flew in for her memorial service last February. As did Mica Deangelis, her first friend in California. At Lori’s first job in San Francisco, as a teller trainee at Sanwa Bank, she befriended a recent Stanford graduate, Renee Filice. Both hated the work, but loved one another, and remained friends for all her days. The job which set Lori on her career path was at the Stanford Court Hotel on Nob Hill, where General Manager Jim Nassikas sprinkled pixie dust on a brilliant young staff and made the Stanford Court the City’s finest hotel. Long retired, Jim Nassikas enjoyed Lori’s visits for as long as she lived. You.
She loved small world stories — occasions when she connected with people in unexpected places and situations — and from that she grew a business where she made a decades-long career of connecting people with opportunities where they could thrive and grow.
She made things. A scarlet bathrobe and a sweater of Greek wool both of which I wear to this day. Sea shell mirrors. Christmas wreaths. Knitted baby caps which have adorned the noggins of squadrons of newborns for decades. At the holidays every year she invited in the neighborhood imps to bake Christmas cookies and fashion craft-y gifts for their parents. Food! Wow, could she cook. This home, yet stuffed with her projects and collections and furnishings.
Lori forbade me from including this photo on the blog I posted from Skiathos last year. Too much cleavage! But having known her for forty years I include it here confident of her forgiveness. It is one of my favorite pictures of her, displaying both the radiance of her affection and the delight of being embraced by that affection, an embrace she extended to all.
I am at present facing a six-week hiatus in the therapeutic travels which have occupied me in recent months, until I return to Skiathos with kids and grandkid for a sojourn in September. In the meantime, stillness, and patience, and gratitude.
hutch adventure 2 
Bill, what a lovely, continuing tribute. Her love is clearly alive in you, in every breath you breathe. Her gift of enthusiasm for others is flowing through your veins. Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. Julie
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Yes, healing is magic. You are still here with these wonderful children managing their own lives. You will continue to help them in Lori’s name. Grandparents are important. I know you will continue to be strong and understanding. love, Ruth
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Lori pops into my head often, and much of the time it’s “what would Lori do in this situation”? She was and continues to be a great mentor…I miss her!
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This is so beautiful Bill, the truth, love, compassion, even grief, and out pouring of truth: so profound. To few know of deep, internal blessings of/in the heart that save many in a life time of closeness, intimacy, transparency, respect, inclusion, welcoming and full of the goodness of God. What a blessing to you, all of us who know you and Lori and your splendid gifts of sharing in such freedom. All the best.
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Yep, Lori would forgive you! Her passion, her smile, her generosity and her abundant energy are very real today. Great memories – but I wish she were here bringing her special brand of joy into all of our lives.
Best to you as you continue the journey where, unfortunately, grief and loss are your companions. Love and hugs.
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It’s both difficult and beautiful to read your thoughts about that remarkable Lori. She left quite an impression on me, and I am only sorry that I did not get to know her better in the time we had. Thank you for sharing these reflections Bill.
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You were blessed and you still are. Thanks for the talk. See you soon.
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I was thinking of her throughout the day yesterday. I think the picture is fabulous! Hugs to you!
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I know exactly how Lori felt about including that picture as I would have felt the same way. But thanks for including it as you are so right about what it shows of Lori’s personality. I am sure she forgives you from above. The tribute is beautiful Bill.
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Hello – crying as I write this. I think of Lori everyday and frequently talk aloud to her – asking her thoughts and imagining her responses. I have had a few dreams when we spend time together – they feel natural and therapeutic. She is in my heart forever and always. Carol
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Really moved in reading this. Love!
May Boeve
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I am so happy I got to know Lori….I was about to say “a small bit”. Then I realized there was no “small bit” to Lori, there was only “full on”. And that I did experience even when she was so sick. She was constantly aware of others, of me, my presence in her life. I recall her talking about your Tucker and my Leah possibly forming some sort of business connection. Quite amazing, considering she could hardly keep down a cup of tea.
There are a few people in my life whom I have loved immediately. Lori was one. She drew love out of me, warmed it up and sent it right back.
Love to you,
Jan Edwards
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Hi Bill, It is good to hear you are moving through the on going stages as you must. So very difficult, but so important that Kate and Tucker can share some of these memories with you. I think of you often and so admire your courage. Let me know if you are down this way. Love, Kit
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Saludos y cariños desde Barranco……carry on, carrying on……with care.
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Dear Bill, Thank you for that beautiful tribute to darling Lori. Since I saw her only once during the illness, I think of her every day as I remember her, full of exuberant and joyful life. It is my great good luck to have been her friend for so many years. I envy Carol with her dreams of Lori.
With love to you and your family, Renée
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It is so beautiful to hear how you are healing a tiny bit every week.
I think of what a bright star she was and still is.
God bless you Bill, and your lovely family!
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Dear Bill,
Beautiful Lori….beautiful photo…beautiful tribute. So wonderful to see that gorgeous “light up the world” smile of hers and we would give anything to have one of her magical warm hugs. Thank you for sharing that photo and that very special moment.
Grief does have its rhythms. The ebb & flow of thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories.
Finding serenity with patience, hope and courage. The comfort that comes with being surrounded by the love of family and friends. And, above all, gratitude.
We have such abundant gratitude for the gift of Lori – truly an amazing woman.
Shining ray of light in our lives and so many others.
Keeping you, Kate, Owen, Jack & Tucker very close in our hearts.
We send you our love,
Susan & Peter
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Bill,
It is great following your blog, which has to be therapeutic.
DanB
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Beautiful, Bill. And I am sure she would be happy with the photo. I think of her and the two of you often – very inspiring. Glen
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Thanks for sharing these beautiful memories. I have been thinking about Lori a lot as I prepare to attend another ISPA conference. It is hard for me to accept that she won’t be there. It put a big smile on my face picturing you with your children and grandchild in Skiathos. So much joy and love you all share and so many warm memories to cherish.
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Dear Bill,
Thank you for sharing Lori with the multitude. You’re quite the writer. Sounds like you’re doing extremely well. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Warm regards,
Toni Malette
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Yup / that is ‘cleavage’ alright ! But there is no way a detractor from the ‘picture of life, vitality, joy and loving’ Lori ! That all who knew here were blessed to have been touched by a women who ‘cared’ for everyone !
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your words show us your grief and healing, and let us know you are “doin’ OK” without your girl by your side. a difficult journey to be sure but grace, love and humor are your life rafts….
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Lori. Lori. Lori.
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Dear Bill
Thank you for the wonderful photo of Lori and you. She is so in our memories and will stay.
I remember the super Pullover that Lori made with love for François (1983)
Keep going on your therapeutic journey, we are with you.
Bises
Colette & Andi
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Hi Bill, We never met but I am friends with Kari Worth, who you probably know passed away on 7/27. I had many exchanges with Lori in the last few months of her life while she was still offering support to Kari while fighting her own battle. Dave and I just held our dear Kari’s hands as she slipped away. What fighters and warriors they are. Maybe they’re having a cold one together after some amazing hike to the sea?
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Thank you, Bill, for sharing your self and memories and those lovely and lovable Lori qualities
that made us adore her. I think the picture is fabulous! Prayers and hugs go with you,
Kathryn
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Dear Bill, how wonderful you will be going to Skiathos in September with the kids and grandkid! You have an amazing gift for embracing life with all its rich rewards and joys at the same time you are grieving. And the photo of you and Lori is beautiful. Thanks for sharing it and yes, I know she would forgive you.
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Your wonderful stories and descriptions are so lovely and intimate. Wishing I had been lucky enough to meet Lori but you make me fell as if I do know her, at least a bit.
Thank you,
Dale K
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Hi Bill,
Thank you for reminding me of Lori’s gifts and sharing your journey through loss and grief.
With love, Dotty
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Beautiful tribute, Bill. Well said. Lori is sorely missed.
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Bill, I think of Lori and of you often. Thank you for sharing this lovely photo, and continue to take good care. Time heals……Karen Ray
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Dear Bill, you will always cherish your wonderful memories of Lori as I cherish my memories of David. You had a wonderful and fulfilling life together and you have wonderful children to cherish both you and the memory of Lori.
Love, Jan
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Dear Bill… your words are so moving… thank you for sharing your thoughts and thank you for sharing such a great picture. Much much hugs, Josiane
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Beautiful! Thank you for the updates. Keep healing day by day.
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Very sweet and endearing. You are surrounded with love. Thank you.
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